That frown you’re wearing’s just your halo turned upside down
Well, Nanci was brilliant. Steve and I had a fab time – dinner in Pizza Hut as it was all we ended up with time for, but it was okay. The concert was fab – missed my friend and fellow teenage Nanci fan but Steve did an admirable effort of grinning inanely at me when one of my fave songs was played. Steve drove, but neither of us drank in the end, well, not until we got home, anyway 
Today has been busy – might find and add some photos later. Got a huge parcel of toys yesterday (and nothing’s changed, the contents were not quite what I was expecting, please remind me of this when it comes to the pre-Christmas sign up invitation, although at least the website has finally been updated to have the new catalogue stuff on it, only two months after our ‘training day’ 
) so we had lots of them out this morning as we wanted to find out how games were played etc. before taking them to HE group in the afternoon.
Faves were a bashing maths game, the tangram game, Anatomix (that’s really fab), Tipover (similar to Rush Hour) … and I love this book.
In the middle of all that Josiah went off to Start Right, and I had to go to the Drs for a smear test, hateful things. Girls thought it was gross but still strangely wanted to be in the same room. Educational, nonetheless.
Due to all the nice game-playing Anna was rather miffed at having to be dragged out of the house, even more miffed that I made her walk (it’s all of 300 yards), and we ended up with the whole ‘I’d rather be at school’ conversation going on. Only for the school dinners, seeing Caitlin, and generally not having to do what her mother tells her. Still, it knocks me sideways every time she does it, because I feel guilty that we’ve made this decision for our family and that if *she* could choose she’d go to school. Abbie doesn’t care either way, and neither does Josiah, really – and sometimes, tbh, it’s just so tempting from my point of view, to have that TIME! Sometimes I even wish I could hand the responsibility for Anna’s education to someone else; she and I have a major character clash, I reckon – it doesn’t happen in the same way with the other two … then on the other hand I *really* don’t want to hand them over to a system that I don’t like, partly I don’t want to lose control over what they’re doing, partly I don’t think the academic side of school education is any better than what the kids will get at home (in fact philosophically I think they could do better at home, whether they will or not is a different matter), partly I don’t want to lose the flexibility that we have as a family at the moment, and even a tiny (honest) part of me isn’t sure what I’d do if they did go back to school. Then there’s the quandary of which school they’d go back to – the local one (obvious choice really as it’s absolutely fine) or go with the Christian school because of it’s ethos/atmosphere which really is something different (as Heather will testify), or then again maybe if they want to go and I’ll be able to work, we could almost afford posh private (because I’m a snob at heart ). All of those are compromises in one way or another, whereas at the moment I at least feel that I’m being true to my ideals for their education.
It is a slight ‘button pushing’ exercise on Anna’s behalf, she knows that I’ll react when she does the ‘I’d rather be at school’ routine – and this afternoon I’ve ended up basically reminding her why we’ve chosen this route for our family at this time, and that it does hurt my feelings when she says it just because she’s cross with me. Having said that, I honestly think that this summer may well be crunch time, one way or another. Ho hum. And if so, then bang goes any vague plan Steve & I might have had about going abroad in the Autumn …
That was an aside, in the day – after my doctor’s appointment we came home and made a buzzwire together. Anna’s wanted to do one of these for ages so when I saw that I could get a kit I was pleased, and she & Abbie enjoyed putting it together.
Steve picked Joe up and they came back for lunch, during which someone from the local radio station popped in to interview me; the annual babyloss memorial service is happening at the hospital here on Sunday so I’ve been involved in lots of ‘get the word out’ type media stuff this week.
After that we went off to HE group which was mainly pleasant – Abbie has been pushing her luck with behaviour recently and I had to send her into another room for five minutes because she was being a pain – and she’s under severe warnings, but apart from that it was nice. Joe is now sporting some lovely new trousers from Jules which he thinks are great because of the zip off bits to make them into long shorts.
Came home with Anna moaning that they’d laid the table at lunchtime so it wasn’t their turn to do it for tea; I said okay, well, I cooked the lunch so you’ll have to cook the tea then, if I’m laying the table. They ended up getting their own tea *and* laying the table for themselves, so that was good – Steve and I have friends coming round for dinner later. So that’s us; might find time to add photos later if they’re any good.
April 14th, 2005 at 20:31
Hmmm, I never thought I would hear you seriously consider school…
Glad Josiah liked the trousers
April 14th, 2005 at 21:07
Yeah, well, what can I say. They won’t get a better ed. at school – I mean they might get their heads stuffed full of more facts and be more finely tuned to passing paper tests, but hey, when you’re at work or with your family do they really count? What counts – people!. Yes, you can tell, I’ve had 1/2 a bottle of wine and had 2 weeks off of schooling, but wine is a truth drug so they say, and so are holidays. Anyway, from what it sounds like to me, from your blog anyroad, is that your kids do lots of fun things, and are learning loads, and therefore probably retaining more than they would had they been at school.
TBH I think if we didn’t have these quandries, we’d probably be real monsters. Whatever decision we take, it takes faith that we’re doing the right thing.
I’m glad you had a good time at the concert, I’m afraid I have to confess my ignorance and say I’ve never heard of this Nanci chick – We (that is the kids and I) are really into Dido a ce moment.
Oh and just one last thing on the personality clash. I’m the same with my eldest and I wish I could say that it got better, but then I’d be leading you up the creek without a paddle, we just have to trust that He does work all things together and all that.
Anyway, I have to go and do my ‘evangelism’ for the week which is watching ‘footballer’s wives’ with my neighbour – I know, I know…..
April 14th, 2005 at 21:54
Sarah, can you supply me with a FF catalogue and account for my local MP group?
Sounds all a bit fraught today, it IS a bit rubbish to get put through the mill in that way… i wish i knew what to suggest. I’m expecting it shortly from Maddy, and i don’t know what i’ll do.
if you did it, would it be just her or all of them?
Hugs anyway, glad Nanci was good. Very envious
April 14th, 2005 at 22:30
i like the edu smear test!
i hate button pushig – sb hasn’t realised schooling mght be one, so does the old favourite of loving daddy more, and only wanting hug from daddy cos mine aren’t good enough.
are you still doing nanci lyrics?
and you would really consider sending them to school. do you have a plan of he to uni or just taking it chunk at a time?? i know a bit personal. I can only think of chunk up to age 8, so i guess you are at my first crux time
April 14th, 2005 at 23:49
Flip me, I wouldn’t take mine to my smear test. Which is rather overdue. Must make appt one day … for a Saturday morning
Poppy is curious again about school – I wonder if her asking Anna about it would help or hinder things at your end? I am thinking of asking the end-of-the-road primary school if she could go along for a few days without being registered – I know I remember people’s French exchanges and so on coming to school, but I don’t know whether this place can or would be so flexible. I’d be really irritated if she went to school, it would really get in the way, but it was her choice not to go in the first place, so at least I woudn’t have to take ti personally. ((((hugs))) though, I hate it when they just know how to get to you.
April 15th, 2005 at 6:29
I did think about arranging a taster day at the local school but tbh I don’t think that would help Anna, she’d probably really enjoy it! She did enjoy school, that was never the issue, it was our family life that was suffering as a result of the combination of school and having our own business and I think it probably still would. And yeah, it would really annoy me now – having to be home for 3.30pm every day? aaargh!
If anything, she’s still going on about dancing in the theatre as her chosen career, maybe I should look into *that* sort of school …
And ‘flip me’???!!! You’re beginning to sound like me, alison
April 15th, 2005 at 8:36
It was an homage
April 15th, 2005 at 10:44
Doesn’t everyone consider school from time to time? I swing from HE to boarding school
But seriously, could you up the time she goes to ‘that’ school as a compromise? Obviously it wouldn’t be my cup of tea, but I really warmed to the low authority, mutually supportive feel of the place. And the shoestring, slight bodge feel you talked about…I liked that too!
Or arrange flexi-school with local primary?
Or, take it as a phase that’ll pass. I only met her briefly, but it wasn’t as though she was sulking around being all anti-HE so maybe it is a combination of button pushing/ attention seeking/ venting of HE anxiety’s in a childish (obviously, ‘coz she’s a child) way. Pip is never 100% about HE- you and I de-registered in similar circumstances and I think having taken the lead to HE without apparent crisis means we miss out on the cosy glow of self assuredness that might come a little easier if we’d done this because they were desperate and it ‘saved’ them. It’s harder to unpick benefits for us from the overall balance.
But also, remember that throughout most kids school life they have periods of longing not to have to go, so we shouldn’t feel we *have* to send them back unless it’s *really* sustained. Most parents wouldn’t remove their kids just because they sometimes say they don’t want to go. Also I happen to think kids can be quite fickle.
Are you still on for next week? Pip’s been asking about Anna and Abbie.
April 15th, 2005 at 10:44
I’m being moderated!!!!
Was it bodge?
April 15th, 2005 at 10:45
Nope.
April 15th, 2005 at 11:59
You’re a better woman than me, Sarah. I had a smear and mamogram last Monday, and I paid someone to look after Hannah while I went. I’ve got to have some privacy
She did look it up in the book, and asked me loudly about it in Tesco afterwards, but that was as much as I was prepared to concede.
As for the rest. It’s hard, isn’t it, sometimes. Hannah is empahatic she will never go to school, but I KNOW she is lonely sometimes, and is already counting the days till HESFES, in a much more excitable way than she does other events like Xmas. And a part of me knows that if I *made* her go, she would probably enjoy it.
April 15th, 2005 at 16:19
Sorry Heather! Think it might even have been ‘mutual’, but I’m not sure – could be cos I fiddled with settings the other day …. anyway, you’re there now
And yes we’re still on for next week, really looking forward to it.
April 15th, 2005 at 21:43
Oh, how often are you meant to have a smear? They don’t send out reminders any more do they?
April 16th, 2005 at 14:47
Um, every 3 years? Every 5 years? I had a reminder, anyway.
April 16th, 2005 at 18:03
Oh, I think it’s 6+ years since my last one…….!!!