just another morning here

Despite my best efforts, including a large monetary reward on offer, Josiah spent the portion of the violin thing that he could have joined in with on my lap saying ‘I can’t do it’, and ‘I don’t know if I can’ (by the time he’d finished wondering if he could, the moment had been and gone ). Of course he could have, but I don’t know, was it all too much or just my own self fulfilling prophecy? Or perhaps something else entirely, as ten minutes later he was asleep on my lap, despite me having given him a really early night last night and him having slept in until at least 9am today.

Who knows. The mind of a 5yo (or this particular 5yo) is unfathomable to me at least and I feel pretty much ready to give up parenting him as I have reached the end of myself over and over and over again and I just don’t know what to do with him. (just a minor aside there!)

Meanwhile Anna was pretty grumpy owing to a sleepover last night at which hardly any sleep was had (unsurprising I suppose) and Abbie was grumpy due to being largely ignored between the antics of the other two.

Still, it was a pleasant couple of hours, the children who did play played beautifully and I have to say that the later Suzuki repertoire is lovely to listen to, I really enjoyed it despite all the agro with my children. And that is the reason why we’ll persevere, I guess – because so did Josiah, actually. He’d enjoyed listening to the children playing before his section – then fell asleep – then half way through he woke up and the 10yo boy who is in the lesson before him (so we see him every week) brought him a chocolate mini-roll, which perked him up and he enjoyed the last part of the afternoon. I finally met the lady who runs the group lessons that we missed the other day and I hope we’ll manage to get to her group in the New Year so that by the time the summer concert comes around, Joe will know the other children and be a bit more ready for the whole playing together thing.

Oh, and Steve’s home, there’s a roast dinner in the oven, and a bottle of wine open. Not sure which of those I am the most pleased about!

On Friday we had a disaster with the concert practice. Joe and I left immediately after school to go out to this village hall where the practice was happening, about 7 miles away from home. Should have taken all of 20 minutes to get there, and I’d allowed half an hour, aiming to get there early at 4pm to meet the teacher before the group arrived for 4.15pm.

Unbeknown to me, the entire city population decided to take to the roads at 3.30pm on Friday afternoon, and we hadn’t even made it across town by 4pm. By this point Josiah is getting jittery because I’d told him 4pm so I reassured him that it wasn’t actually starting until 4.15pm and I was sure we’d get there by then.

Of course we didn’t make it out there until 4.25pm … by which time I was completely stressed out by the traffic, having to find a place I didn’t know, and Joe’s mounting anxiety – and Joe was upset because we were late (and honestly, he hates being late and having to join in when something’s already started, so this was not a good sign).

Took one look at the village hall, which was full of OAPs at a Tea Dance, and nearly died – not a suzuki violin in sight. I did think there might have been another room so we walked up to the door, but still couldn’t see a sign or anything, in fact I looked at the bookings list for that day and it didn’t say anything about violins, but had this tea dance and something else written on the schedule. So we gave up, and I sat and cried in the car park while Josiah had 5 minutes on the climbing frame which was there. I was so gutted, having been so apprehensive about the whole thing and it been such an ordeal to get there, I thought they must have changed the venue without telling me and therefore got pretty annoyed.

On making a phonecall the next day, it turns out that they *were* there after all, in another little room around the side. I could have died when I found that out. So it was all my own cock-up Anyway. Spoke to Josiah’s teacher during the day and he said he’ll stand with Joe and play so that he can still join in.

So this afternoon we have another tight time schedule as I’m picking Anna up from a party only an hour before the concert is due to start and it’s miles away in another village hall somewhere down in deepest Devon, at yet another place that I don’t have a clue where it is. Wish me luck, please!

It probably seems as though I am making a mountain out of a molehill with all of this, and in some ways it feels like that to me too (I am wondering why I bother sometimes) but I’m just desperate for Joe to actually *enjoy* some music making with some other children as I know he will if he can just overcome his shyness.

More later …